And on the seventh day, God created.. ahea ym.. I got nothing...

Blog number 1!!!!

Yeah, I'm not really excited at all. I doubt that many people will read this, and I will look down on those people that do with a burning and sincere hatred. Why do we waste our time typing and reading these stupid things? I find the entire blog thing to be hilarious. Im from Cincinnati, and our local news anchor, Jack Atherton is always talking about his "hard hitting blog" that "you wont find anywhere else". Let me get this straight, Jack. You are getting paid to be on tv 5 nights a week to keep me informed about what is going on in my city and you still beg people to read your blog every night?? What it is about blogs??? Why do we crave them?? Jack Atherton isnt the only one(but boy does the shit he writes put me to sleep, hard hitting my ass!) We all have one of these things! When Im watching Meet the Press on Sunday morning, I hear them talk about the speculations of bloggers on the big issues. WHO CARES WHAT BLOGGERS THINK!?!?!?! In the words of Wayne Campbell, have we all gone mental?? Any jackass can have a blog, but it isnt like any jackass can just run the country!! Right?!?!?

Wait, what was that?

YOU CAN BE A RANDOM JACKOFF AND RUN THE COUNTRY???

Thats fucking AWESOME!! Well, what do I have to do??? Sign me up!!!!

Oh, wait, what? I have to be from Alaska? No thanks, I saw 30 Days of Night, I know that no one lives there besides vampires and Josh Hartnet(jeez, I feel bad putting vampires in this category..) But, you know, maybe I can move there, if it means I can run the country. I do hate my job enough to something so simple, right? I bet you have to have some pretty rad shit under your belt to get this honor besides just living in Alaska, right?

EW, REALLY? You have to be a HOCKEY MOM? Gross. Well, they did play Sega Hockey in Swingers, and that is a damn fine movie, so... Ok, sure!!! What else??

NO!!! I... NO..! I will not do it. I will not say "Whats the difference between a pitbull and a Hockey Mom- Lipstick". I cant do it. Id get laughed off of the podium!! What the hell kind of advisor are you?

Oh, Sarah WHO's advisor? SHE RUNNING FOR WHAT?????

Phew... Sorry, I nodded off. For a second there I was having a nightmare about a completely underqualified redneck woman from a state that sucks so much that more people would rather live in Cincinnati than there, and I dreamed that she was the vice presidential Republican Candidate who will be the president if elected, being that the Presidential candidate is 72 years old and could die any second now..

Wait, that wasnt a nightmare??? SHIT!!!! Well who have the Democrats got in there to make sure this doesnt happen? JOE BIDEN?? The old guy that cant comb the back of his hair and said basically that Obama was a huge moron that has no business being President? Well, ok... seems weird, who is his running mate. OBAMA??

I think Im going back to sleep. For months. Pass me some Colt 45 and the link to Jack Athertons blog...

Speaking of terrible fuckin ideas, whats up with Katy Perry? I hear all of this buzz about this new singer, and then I hear it on the radio 4 times a day(I dont control the radio in the office) and it pretty much sucks. She sings about kissing a girl, but not in a, Im a lesbian, Im coming out of the closet and I dont give a fuck about you and your opinions kind of way; but, in a hey im dry humping this chick on a skinamaxx flick so middle aged dudes can sleep with the woman next to them that they never should have married in the first place.. Why do people like this again? Its pretty offensive to women and homosexuals. I for one, as a woman and/or a homosexual sure wouldnt want people judging me by one of the shittiest songs Ive ever heard. I mean, at least if someone hears Benny and The Jets and thinks all gay men are like Elton John, well, thats at least awesome!

Lets see, what else. Travis Barker. Plane Crash. Burnt. I dont have any vendetta against the guy, and I hope that he is ok, and being burned would be awful, etc. However, 4 people that get paid to watch him(if you have a bodyguard and arent the leader of a nation, you are a fucking asshole) are dead.. Their names? Couldnt tell ya, people are too busy talking about Travis Barker.. Americans are obsessed with celebrities, and I couldnt even begin to tell ya why. Not even cool celebrities like Vince Vaughn, but like, really stupid ones like those morons from the Hills.. I dont get it....

Ok, thats all for now I do think. I doubt this will catch on. In the meantime, Ill be hitting up my boy Jack's blog to make sure that Im doing this correctly.

Until next time!!